I have a feeling all of us at some point in our lives tried to fit in. Whether that would be high school, college, uni, your workplace, your family, or even your friends. We have probably been in a situation where we tried to fit in at a very young age as well. This is normal, but it’s not something that should be normalized. Uniqueness should be celebrated and I am so happy to see that there are more and more people speaking up and doing whatever the heck they want.
We do, however, still have so many people, especially teenagers and young adults trying so badly to fit in. More importantly, if the circumstances don’t allow for them to finally find themselves again, they get stuck in that reality for a really long time. The magical part is that it’s never late to finally meet the real you. So what is the real cost of trying to fit and more importantly, how to claim your divine uniqueness back?
wait a minute, why do we try to fit in?
Actually, I feel like I need to rewind the tape here a little bit. Why do we try to fit in anyway? Some of us without even noticing it. Well, I think we all kinda know the answer to this weirdly existential (at least to me) question. Simply put, it’s the pressure of society. And it’s not just social media. This comes from a long long time ago when people wanted to be part of a group in order to survive, to be part of a community because it brought them a sense of security and belonging. We all have that in ourselves. Nobody wants to be an outcast, we all want to feel accepted and loved. Therefore, some of us choose to wear a mask in order to belong, some masks are thicker and more permanent, and some masks are thinner and occasional.
I remember myself in high school, a kid, a teenager who was thrown into a class with a bunch of other people. Naturally, I wanted to have friends, I wanted to be accepted by my peers. And I sense this is what most of us wanted when we were just starting to figure out our lives.
Suddenly you realise that you can quickly become a weirdo if other people deemed you to be one. Frankly, there is nothing wrong with being weird. Now I embrace my weirdness. However, at that time, being weird was like a bugger stuck to your face and even if you manage to shake it off, people will still remember you as a bugger-face. And what if on top of that, you come home and you have your family to tell you that the only way to the top is to become something that society views as successful? And here you are, just dreaming of becoming a scuba diver.
support in the early life stages is really important
I have no regrets, however, I was pressured into graduating from the best university in my city just because my family thought that’s what smart young adults do, that’s how you make money and earn respect. Thank God my mom doesn’t live in that bubble anymore and thank God more people are waking up to this.
Uni was not my dream. In fact, I was confused about what I want to do with my life, my soul was still searching for a purpose. My uni experience was torturous, however, I am glad I did it because I learned my lessons, met amazing people, and became who I am today. Always looking at the bright side here, folks. However, when I look back, I was just trying to fit in, trying to do what everybody was doing, trying to be normal. The pressure of the society, the pressure of my family. But at what cost? I probably could have done way more soul searching before I decided what to study and where to study. I could have chosen something that would have brought me happiness and fulfilment. Maybe I would have started writing earlier?
Now as I said, I have no regrets, the experience I had was needed for my development. However, this is just one example of many more that we could all probably think of.
the mask may not be constant
Now, for some of us, the mask may not be constant. We may be ourselves at home, but then we come to work and we get tricked into wanting to fit it again. Let’s say you work in a Team where you may feel like your interests are completely different. Maybe you will like if you open up, the people may judge you or look at you differently. Maybe you feel like you need to maintain a certain status, pretend like you know all of those fancy restaurants your co-workers are talking about. Whatever it may be, you bury your own unique self deep under a personality you present at work.
have you ever thought about the consequences of trying to fit in?
1. You lose your path.
This is an obvious one, of course, but I don’t feel like some of us realize the extent of this. We are so busy trying to fit in and feel accepted that at some point we may feel like the mask is real. You become this other person, but deep down you yearn for something different in your life. You have different values, different goals, and different interests. That’s why sometimes we may succeed at fitting in but then feel so out of place. Feeling lonely in a crowd, they say. Your heart is trying to tell you that you’ve lost your path. And if you don’t listen to that voice, you may start experiencing anxiety or fall into depression.
I really loved how Jim Carrey quoted his friend Jeff Foster saying that ”depression is a deep rest”. This is what happens when our mind, body, and soul are done playing the character we chose to play.
2. You may lose opportunities.
The more I embrace my uniqueness and all my weird parts, the more opportunities I get in life. This is what I have noticed. While you may say that this is just a coincidence, I don’t think there is such a thing. I think there are a few things that happen when you start embracing yourself as an individual. Firstly, you start loving all parts of yourself, especially the unique ones. Secondly, bit by bit you start engaging in activities that bring you an abundance of joy. Thirdly, you start noticing what you actually enjoy and learn when to say no. A chain reaction activates because you start attracting opportunities that are spiritually and mentally fulfilling to you. You start attracting people that think alike, have the same morals and values into your life. When you get back on your path, you get all the missed opportunities back.
3. You lose your confidence.
When you try to fit in, you don’t own yourself. You may shine as a person who strikes others as confident, but under that costume, you have lost yourself. Can you truly be confident if you are afraid to embrace your own self? We all need to be brave enough to step aside and decide that the role we have been playing is done and dusted. I have an entire blog entry about comparing yourself to others and I truly believe that most of our confidence stems from embracing our own uniqueness. Only when you feel confident in your own skin, you are truly a confident person.
4. You quite literally lose the things that make you special.
You don’t need to be somebody else in order to feel loved and accepted. None of us need to look the same, think the same, or act the same. If we all would be copies of each other, would we even be attracted to other personalities? Would we get inspired by other people? Frankly, the people that inspire me the most are the ones who own themselves. The most charismatic people are usually those who are unapologetically themselves. Those who have their own unique quirks, weird moments, and a sense of humour. When trying to fit in you strip away all your beautiful colours.
how do you claim your divine uniqueness back?
1. Spend time alone.
Although this will sound like a complete cliche, the time you spend alone is powerful. It is especially powerful if you don’t like being alone as it can really catapult your self-growth. If you have an opportunity to spend time alone in nature, even better. Connect to your roots, connect to mother Gaia, and just listen. Contemplate what makes you feel fulfillment and happiness. Is there anything in your life that makes you feel dull and empty?
I know, I know. I literally put meditation as part of the answer to everything but I would be cheating if I would exclude it this time. It closely relates to the time you spend alone because when you meditate, you go inwards. The sudden wave of answers that may rush through you sometimes can be overwhelming and unexpected, but it’s the fruit that you get to enjoy. Meditation is an amazing tool that can help you to return back to your true self.
3. Choose people wisely.
Make sure you understand which people in your life have a good influence on you and which ones don’t. Always choose healthy relationships. Choose the people who have your back, support you, and don’t expect you to be anything but yourself. If you have people in your life who make you feel crappy about yourself and you have to fake it around them, there are two choices you can make. Try giving them a chance and open up to them (you may just find something in common) or eliminate them from your life if that’s what your gut tells you to do.
4. Work on your confidence and speak up.
As I mentioned earlier, embracing your own uniqueness is a big part of confidence. So work on both of them simultaneously. Speak up if you disagree with something, let people in, and talk about your interests and values with passion. There are a lot of people who think I’m weird because of my sometimes far-fetched ideas, interest in spirituality, divination, and a number of other things. However, some of them think it’s absolutely fascinating and although they do not agree with me, they find it unique and brilliant. In the same way, I have people in my life whom I don’t completely resonate with, but I find them mesmerizing.
Maybe you’ve always had an unconventional sense of style as well? Bit by bit start embracing it. You never know, you may gain a few fans here and there haha.
Maybe you naturally have something special in the way you look? Own it. Because you ARE special.
Maybe you have something that is hard to embrace? For example, acne (proudly waving here, my friends). Or anything else that makes you feel ugly and incomplete. Own it. Cultivate more and more love for yourself each day.
Perhaps your guilty pleasure is watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians? I remember back in the day I used to use their jokes all the time (still do) and post KUWTK gifs on my work chat as a reaction to everything (not my finest moment, I agree haha). Some people probably thought that I have zero brain cells for watching that but who cares!
5. Acquire a healthy routine that is true to you.
This is something that is going to help you build your confidence up. Get yourself a daily routine that makes you feel good about yourself. It doesn’t have to be a copy of another person’s healthy morning or evening routine. Maybe for you, it means painting for an hour each day. Make it fun, find a corner, or a space that makes you feel excited about it, make yourself a cup of tea, put on some music, and do it.
6. Be unapologetic.
As long as you are being kind and humble, I can’t see any reason as to why should apologize for being yourself. Once you work on your confidence, do some inner work, and start embracing all your weird and not-so-weird bits, you will get challenged. That’s just part of life. However, make sure you stay true to yourself.
You don’t have to impress anyone else but you.
I hope this blog post inspired you to stop trying to fit in and claim your Divine Uniqueness back. ♡
I am proud of you.